23 Things I Have Learned in 23 Years

I turned 23 this past week.

Typically, my birthday brings about feelings of stress, expectations, and overwhelm. Another year around the sun, and I truly have never felt as grateful as I do today. I am in good health, surrounded by incredible friends and family, and live in New York City post-grad.

While the past few years have been rocky, developmental, and beautiful, this year feels different. I’ve found myself amid a whirlwind of change with a deeply rooted peace in where I am and who I am becoming. The dichotomy is strange but encouraging. I can see this incredible life full of unique experiences building before me, and I am, for what feels the first time, fully down for the ride.

I have a long way to go, and a lifetime to learn, but I have spent my birthday reflecting on my life thus far and how I’ve grown.

So, here are 23 things I have learned in my 23 years.

1.     Eat the cake.

While prioritizing your health is a great thing, most times cake is offered is at a special occasion. One piece of cake won’t harm anything. Life can be difficult; be sure to enjoy the celebrations fully.

2.     Tell them you love them.

This one is a cliché, but you never fully understand it until you lose someone you love. Tell them you love them, and soak in the memories of their hugs while you can.

3.     Make time for those you deem important.

Nothing means more to those around you than feeling valued. Learn the love languages of those you have chosen to be in your life and cater to them. Your people are your most precious asset.

4.     Cut time from those unimportant.

Do not stress yourself out over people whose opinion you don’t value. This will only waste your time and discourage you.

5.     Find beauty in alone time.

Being alone is a cornerstone of life. Once you find an appreciation for quiet stillness with yourself, so many new opportunities present themselves.

6.     True rest is vital; without it, hard work is worthless.

While we can all agree there is no substitute for hard work, running yourself into the ground is counteractive. REST. Your productive progress depends on it.

7.     Growing is uncomfortable and doesn’t happen without a catalyst.

Change is inevitable, but growth is a conscious choice. Realizing something needs to change is never a fun experience and comes with choices between what is right and what is comfortable. Push through the short-term discomfort for your benefit in the long-term.

8.     You really are a product of your environment.

You will grow wherever you are planted, but, thankfully, you can choose your garden. Surround yourself with others who create a comfortable, positive environment, and make the hard decisions to cut out anyone who harms your growth.

9.     You are by far the most important person to which you could show kindness.

You establish the respect others will give you. If you treat yourself kindly, speak highly of yourself, and put yourself first, others will follow suit. More importantly, if your own cup is full, you can begin to pour into others to make positive impact.

10.  Live in the present and the future will fall into place.

As someone who is very future-oriented, this is so difficult. However, living in the idea of the future causes you to miss the uniqueness of the current. Sure, I want to run my own fashion empire in NYC one day, but when will I ever have the ease of life working at a fun, people-oriented spin studio again? Probably never. Enjoy every phase, and do NOT treat any period of life as a “waiting room” for the next.

11.  On the opposite coin of #10- Be delusional.

If you don’t first believe in yourself, most no one will either. Further, the bigger you dream and set goals for yourself, the more likely you will at least achieve the smaller aspects of the larger dream. For example, you make becoming the CEO of a multi-million-dollar company based out of New York City your goal. The likelihood of you, at the very least, moving to New York City is much higher than if this was your only goal from the start because it becomes extremely achievable when looking at the big picture.

12.  Don’t freely offer up information about yourself when first getting to know someone.

I’ve found this to be the quickest way to discover if someone is interested in actually getting to know you or just wants to talk about themselves. Asking questions and responding with follow-ups, rather than a story about themself, is a tell-tale sign of someone lacking narcissistic qualities.

13.  Go out of your way to include others.

Exclusivity is toxic and damaging. Whenever you can, reach out to the person who seems like they need a friend—you never realize the deep, positive impact this can make.

14.  If you must yell to be heard, move on to a crowd that listens even when you whisper.

People only listen when they care what you have to say. Company is so much more meaningful when those around you truly value whatever it is you contribute.

15.  Traveling changes your perspective in all the best ways.

As simple as it might seem, the world is vast and diverse. Immerse yourself in the unfamiliar and see what resonates with you. Traveling is the best way to find creative inspiration, self-reflection, and even an appreciation for what qualifies as home.

16.  Home is not a place.

Home is a feeling of true peace and does not rely on a physical structure. Unfortunately, this feeling is one of the hardest to find and nearly impossible to manufacture alone. Fortunately, it can travel wherever necessary.

17.  Your relationships are your second priority, right behind yourself. Everything else follows.

Never compromise your self-worth-- being alone is better than shrinking yourself. That said, at the end of the day, all you have are the people who you support and care about and those who do the same in return. Prioritize yourself and your relationships in this order. Everything else comes after.

18.  Fake it until you make it.

From the outside, moving to NYC in your early 20s is glamorous and gives everyone the idea you’re “thriving” no matter the actuality of the small paychecks, rats on your streets, and shoebox living space. Just because it looks like others have it all together, they probably don’t. Everyone has at least one aspect of their life that gives them imposter syndrome in their environment; successful people are just the ones that push past this insecurity.

19.  Arrogance is loud; confidence is quiet.

Arrogance is also repellant; confidence is also attractive. Authenticity has no need for arrogance.

20.  Comparison is the root of all evil.

Whether it’s to another person, another situation, or a past version of yourself, comparison will always rot the structure of whatever you are building. If you need, put blinders on while you’re building and focus on your own project. It is unique and thus incomparable to anything else.

21.  Judgement will come no matter what you’re doing, you might as well do what you want.

This might be the hardest thing to learn on this list. It is much easier said than done to ignore judgement of others, but the reward of enjoyment in your day-to-day life is more than worth it.

22.  There is beauty in simplicity.

You do not always have to be busy. You do not always have to be out with friends. You do not always have to have 67 side projects. You, alone, are worthy of rest and love, without having to justify it.

23.  Wear sunscreen.

There are too many benefits to list under this one—just do it. Every day. Seriously.

xo,

KR

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